How to Do a Loving-Kindness Meditation (A Gentle Guide for Beginners)
Some days the kindest thing we can do is make a quiet wish. For ourselves. For someone we love. For a stranger we passed on the street.
That's what loving-kindness meditation is. You don't have to empty your mind or sit perfectly still. You sit for a few minutes and send good wishes outward, one circle at a time.
It's an old practice. In the Buddhist tradition it's often called metta. But you don't need to know any of that to begin. You only need a few simple words and a soft heart, and you already have both.
What loving-kindness meditation is
Most meditation asks you to notice. Notice the breath. Notice the body. Loving-kindness asks you to offer.
You repeat a few short phrases, silently or in a whisper. Things like "May I be safe" and "May I live with ease." First for yourself. Then for someone you love. Then for someone you barely know. And then for everyone.
You don't have to feel anything special. Some days the words will feel warm. Some days they'll feel flat. Both are fine. The wish is the practice.
Why begin with yourself?
For a lot of people, this is the hardest part. Wishing a friend well comes easily. Wishing ourselves well can feel strange, even a little selfish.
But kindness has to start somewhere, and you're the one who's always here. The Loving Kindness guided sit puts it simply: "Begin with yourself." Its first phrases are:
May I be safe.
May I be peaceful.
May I be kind to myself.
May I live with ease.
Notice that third line. Not "may I be perfect." Just kind to myself. That's a good place to start.
A simple loving-kindness meditation, step by step
Here's the practice, the same way the guided sit walks through it. You can read it through once and try it on your own, or just press play on Loving Kindness and follow along. It takes about four and a half minutes.
- Settle in. Find a comfortable seat. Let the shoulders drop and the hands rest. Take a slow breath in, and a long breath out.
- Begin with yourself. Silently, or in a whisper, offer the four phrases above. Go slowly. Let each one land before the next.
- Bring to mind someone you love. A friend, a family member, maybe a loyal dog curled up nearby. Picture their face and feel the warmth they bring. Then offer: May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be happy. May you live with ease.
- Think of someone you barely know. Someone you passed today, perhaps. A neighbour, the person at the bus stop, whoever handed you your coffee. As the sit says, "They want to be happy too, just like you." Offer: May you be safe. May you be peaceful. May you be happy.
- Let the circle grow wide. Every person. Every animal. Every living thing. May all beings be safe. May all beings be peaceful. May all beings be free from harm. May all beings live with ease.
- Rest. Stay with that warm feeling for a few breaths. When you're ready, take one deeper breath and gently open your eyes.
That's the whole practice. Four circles, a few kind words, and some breaths in between.
If the words feel awkward
They might, at first. That's okay. You're not reciting for a test. You're making a wish.
If a phrase doesn't fit, change it. "May I be gentle with myself." "May you rest well tonight." Choose words you can mean, even a little. Simple is better than fancy.
And if your mind wanders off to your to-do list halfway through, just notice, and come back to the next phrase. No scolding needed. That coming back is part of it.
What about people who are hard to love?
You may have heard of versions of this practice that include someone you find difficult. The Loving Kindness sit here doesn't ask for that, and you don't need it to begin.
Start where it's easy. Let the circle of warmth grow strong first. Someday, if and when you feel ready, you might quietly add someone harder. Even then, a small wish is enough: May you be safe. You don't have to agree with someone to wish them no harm.
Short on time? Try two kind breaths
Some days four minutes feels like a lot. On those days, try the Breath of Kindness tip from the Meditation page: "Inhale gently. On the exhale, send a quiet wish of good to yourself. Next breath, send that same wish to someone nearby. Simple. Warm. Enough."
Two breaths. That's a loving-kindness practice too.
If you'd rather sit in silence with your own phrases, the Sit page has Doge's Bell, a quiet timer. The screen stays dark, and a temple bell marks the start and the end. And if you're still finding a daily rhythm for sitting, my first post, How to Start a Daily 5-Minute Meditation Habit, has a few gentle ideas for that.
And if you want a night wind-down to pair with this daytime kindness sit, A 5-Minute Bedtime Meditation to Wind Down walks through that gently.
Carry it into the next person you meet
The Loving Kindness sit closes with these words: "Carry this kindness into the next person you meet. Do only good, every day."
I love that, because it's where the practice really lives. Not only on the cushion, but in the held door, the patient answer, the soft word for someone having a hard day. The wishes you make in the quiet become the way you show up.
So try it today. Sit for a few minutes, or just a couple of breaths. Wish yourself well. Wish someone else well. Then go do one good thing.
Doge and Kobe watch over the house. Come sit a while. 🙏🏾
Not medical advice. For wellness and kindness only.